Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Nightly Panic

We got moved to a room with a crib this evening. We are one step closer to going upstairs and getting out of the CICU.  It was kind of scary because they moved him while we were eating dinner. So when we got back to his room he was gone. A fleeting panic at first, but we knew he was around here somewhere.
Tonight was going really smooth in our new room, we were kicked back watching movies with him, and he did really well nursing. Then the nurse came in with a huge siringe of milk she was going to feed him through his tube. I instantly felt bad about it, like we shouldn't give him it... but what do I know... so I stayed quiet.
About 30 minutes later I told Bryt I think we should turn it off, cause he was getting really squirmy.  A couple minutes later he started gagging and trying to throw up. Bryt ran to get the nurse, who came running in and turned off the feeder.  He sat there gagging for a few more minutes and then she came back and put him on his side to help digest it. It was one of those scary moments where there is nothing you can do but watch. I instantly felt guilty and angry because I had a bad feeling about it the whole time and didn't say anything.  My nice chill night has been turned into a night of panic and checking to make sure he is still breathing every 5 minutes. I'm ready to go home, this constant worrying is geting old. I wish I could just relax, but then crap like this happens and no one would even notice if I weren't being paranoid. This is like the third time I just happened to be in the room and save him from some catastrophe. I'm sure all parents feel like this, it's just hard to have to sit here and watch everything. If I knew how to take care of him and give him whatever he need I would, but I don't know what he needs. I just have to sit here trusting every person that touches him knows what they are doing. I  know he is a little trooper, but he is only 8 days old and had heart surgery 4 days ago. Pay attention people!

Faith in Healing

This mornings rounds just came by. Rounds is where the Cardiologists, Nurse Practitioner, and Nurse all go over stats and progress. Overnight and this morning Michaels progress has been great. Jaron shared earlier that his bandages are completely gone. They are very impressed that he is breastfeeding and need me to breastfeed at each feeding today. 
After Zoey had her doctors appointment this morning I felt an overwhelming feeling that there was something more I needed to share with this blog. Jaron just showed me that we have almost 4500 views from just starting days ago. Each one of these people are able to see what we are going through and how we are overcoming our trials. Every ones love and prayers have been with us but I'd like to share more about my own prayers and blessings I am receiving because of my faith. Before I had Michael I received a blessing from my dad. In this blessing  I was told that Michael would be born at term, he would be healthy and strong at birth, and that I would be able to raise him. We've received many blessings since whether they be for comfort or healing they've made this experience easier to live through. 
Without being able to see Zoey lately my prayers are getting closer together and with no offense, a little more demanding. I need my daughter and I need my son. Heavenly Father understands my needs and I know he is able to provide. With Michael living and breathing and progressing each day I am able to know this without question. Last night I was still distraught as my daughter was still sick and the first doctor she saw decided not to treat her. She had another apt this morning with whichever doctor was available to see her. I didn't care who saw her I just needed her to be seen and to be treated. In my prayer last night I decided to use my faith and tell Heavenly Father what I needed and when. I know he can heal my daughter and he will. I know I will be able to see her in a couple days and the doctor this morning would find what was ailing her and treat her with what her little body needs. 

Talking with her Grandma after her appointment confirmed my faith at a higher level. My testimony of my Father in Heaven has grown. The only doctor available this morning was the head of Kaiser pediatrics in this area. Jaron's mom told her of the situation we were in with Michael and how we weren't able to see our daughter because of this. She was aware of our situation because she had set up our delivery at St Josephs and our transportation to Children's. She did a very thorough exam for Zoey and is treating her for a sinus infection, influenza and possible asthma. She will be better in a couple days and I will be wrestling her to the ground with hugs when I see her. I know we are not doing this alone, we have a wonderful support system behind us. We are so grateful for all the parents at Take-A-Break and all of the family that continues to support us. I know God sent this doctor to see Zoey this morning and I believe my prayer last night was heard.  You have all been so wonderful! Thank you for everything.

We appreciate you sharing our story with others, and hope it keeps you and your families closer than ever. I'm hoping this is keeping everyone updated and that it can put a smile on your face as it has mine during this difficult time. 

Bandages Off!

We got to Michael's room this morning and he was wide awake looking all around. We put our stuff down and immediately started taking pictures of his beautiful eyes. His voice is starting to sound really good and actually sounds like a baby crying instead of  60 year old smoker. He is so adorable with his little cry.

He also got all of his bandages off this morning, he looks wonderful.  Bryttney was able to nurse him and the Speech therapist said he sounded way better and was latching pretty good. Today feels like progress again! He is still on the feeding tube to supplement whatever breast feeding he gets, but we are totally ok with that. He is still on the cardiac medicine which is keeping his respiration nice and low. The alarms are few and far between, so we can rest easy for most of the day.  We have a day of holding and loving him planned, the nurses say us holding him is really good for him and keeps him calm.
Zoey was taken to the doctor again today, and she happened to get the head doctor in charge of all the denver Kaiser pediatrics. The doctor knew all about our situation and gave Zoey extra special attention. She said Zoey is pre-asthmatic and caught a bug that is working with the asthma to make her miserable. She had a breathing treatment and is feeling much better now. Grandma says she is back to her happy self. We can't wait to see her, but the doctors say we need to be tough and trust that she is in good hands with Grandma.
Michael got his first bath since surgery today, it is hard to watch the nurses be so rough with him. We both want to treat him like a little porcelain doll, but they seem to know what they are doing. It is amazing how tough these little guys are. He didn't really like the bath but he dealt with it ok. I was going to post a video, but we didnt get any without 'Little Michael' in it. He has to endure another session of 'breaking up the crud' in a little bit... I am not looking forward to it, but I have been assured by multiple people that it is good for them. It is very hard to be here for what seems like an eternity, but we are very lucky to live so close and have such an amazing support system.  Thank you all so much for keeping tabs on him and reading the blog. We are so grateful to live in a time of technology.