I haven't written an entry in quite a while. It's hard to get your thoughts out when your emotions seem non-existent. I have been having a pretty rough time the last couple weeks. I checked out and didn't want to deal with any of this anymore. People would ask how he was doing, and I would just say "fine, he's still in the hospital... but he is doing ok." Luckily for me, that was true for a little bit. He obviously wasn't doing great since he is still in the hospital, but he was pretty stable. He wasn't really doing much but sleeping, eating and pooping. I kind of took it for granted and skipped a couple visits. This last week has been nothing but scary though. Last week he started getting pretty pale and having a hard time breathing. I immediately felt guilty and stayed the night with him. I have made it a point to be here and hold him and love on him every day since. It gets exhausting going and back and forth, and working, but I want to be here for him every day. I know the nurses are great, but they don't love him the way Bryttney and I do. It makes a difference when we are there. Michael knows we are there, and we know when he needs something.
We have had to discuss surgeries and transplants again. I am not to fond of either of them, but at this point I am willing to do anything. I hate seeing him so uncomfortable. I have no idea what he is going through, but watching it makes me cry a little. He has been so strong, it's incredible what he is capable of. Today has been very hard for me. We walked in this morning expecting to see our little guy smiling away, but when we got there he was extremely pale and very whiny. Both of us could tell something was wrong with him. his numbers look ok, but I don't think I have ever seen him this pale or this fussy before. It was very stressful trying to comfort him because Zoey really wanted to hold him and was getting a little jealous. I ended up taking her over to a family get together while Bryt stayed with Michael. It's so nice to see my our family. They are so incredible and always manage to cheer me up. Even if I'm having a really hard day like today, they are always there to pick me up and put a smile on my face. I don't think I could have married into a better family.
Bryt and I are sleeping at the hospital again tonight. Michael has been has been in and out of fits all day. His Heart rate is higher than normal and he is breathing really fast. Bryttney has been trying to comfort him all day, but it does not seem to be helping. He is just very uncomfortable. They have been giving him extra Lasix to help with the fluid in his lungs, but that does not seem to be working. After a long and exhausting day in the CPCU they decided to move him back down to the CICU. Once he got there they put him on the CPAP machine and took some labs. He didn't like being poked, but the CPAP machine has calmed him down and he is finally asleep.
After they got him comfortable he started having arrhythmia again. The extra Lasix they gave him threw off some of his electrolytes. Now they need to put another IV in to give him back electrolytes. They just put a new one in him this morning, but it is a scalp IV. They don't want to put it in the Scalp IV so they are going to try get another one his arm. Seems like every time they try his arms the stupid thing blows. I hate when they have to give him IVs, they always have to poke him like four or five times.
He is doing better now that he is on the CPAP and back in the CICU. Still not good, but better than he was doing most of the day.