Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Quiet Time

My quiet time. My 3am time. 4am now? WOW! My time has been getting away from me. I just finished the last post and was so happy to see it when I logged in. I tried earlier today to get the blog in and Zoey wanted to help. In her helping I was positive that she had deleted what I had and had also started about 4 other entries. She's a computer wizard. Thankfully she did not delete my almost done post but had backed out of it and it was sitting there, waiting for me to finish it at 3 in the morning.

Doctors appointments, nurse and therapy visits have been taking up the majority of my down time. Alone time isn't something I know much about anymore. These quiet times are cherished and taken advantage of when I get them. Usually I use them for sleep but I feel selfish not sharing the progress we've been making. I saw something online the other day that made me realize I haven't been able to share much emotion other than relief and excitement over actual progress. I'd like to share this because these are all things I've felt and haven't been able to voice through tears.

After Michael's doctor visit yesterday I hit heavy traffic and the car began to act up. I made it to a mechanic to take a look at it and as I waited there were two kids waiting with their dad. The little girl had no means of boundaries and as I sat trying to ready Michael's bottle she came up close and began asking never ending questions. I definitely did not mind answering her questions as they came one after the other. Kids grow up not being able to witness a lot of this and she may never see it again and may not even remember this one short time. She came up and touched the tape on his face and the tube underneath (me cringing on the inside because her hands were dirty and I didn't want Michael to get sick from this random visit to the mechanic) she asked what it was for. It didn't make much sense for me to tell her that it's for his milk to go in because he can't drink it very well as I was trying to get him to take his bottle. I explained that he has a lot of medicine that goes into the tube to make his heart work right. She found the end of the tube and the heart monitor to follow and asked what they were for. I explained his heart monitor to her and how it would let me know if his heart was getting sick again. The questions continued as she seemed mesmerized by this little baby. She pet his head and loved his soft hair. she took the bottle from my had and assured me that she could hold it for me. She also had me stand up and walk to the window with her to get excited when their car had finished. As they left I wondered at first why the dad hadn't asked his daughter not to touch the baby. I was seeing him as a little sick baby with a feeding tube who had thrown a tantrum out of hunger through traffic. I was so concerned with him throwing a huge fit because who knows if that could trigger his arrhythmia, I don't want to find out. I hurried and got to the mechanic and sat down and got the bottle situated when this little girl saw a healthy baby boy who was soft and quiet and full of life like any other baby. She saw passed his feeding tube, monitor, and wires and just saw a beautiful baby. I hope everyone can be like this little girl. Unshy of asking questions and able to see a baby. Just a normal baby.

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling Rivalry at two weeks. What fun! I've heard stories about bringing the new baby home and all they endure. I just thought this little guy had been through enough already. Zoey loves, loves, LOVES her new baby brother. She gets to hold him and kiss him and "play" with him. She's teaching him about the little piggies that are his toes. She loves to make him happy with kisses and hugs but still needs a little help to remember not to hug too hard.

I'm not sure if she was feeling upset or just curious but the other morning she decided to hit him in the face. I had turned just before it happened and didn't harness my reaction. I'm over protective of him not just because he's a baby but because he's a cardiac baby. Of course he cried and Zoey cried as well. She is so wonderful at saying sorry and giving hugs. She wanted to hold him after and watch a movie with him and she hasn't done anything too rough since but wow! My heart jumped to my throat but not so much that I wasn't able to explain to her why we can't hit. Not just the baby but anyone.

She went with me to take Michael to his follow up appointment yesterday and it was wonderful. I got several compliments on Zoey and my parenting. She had been saying please and thank you since we'd walked through the door. Michael's appointment went wonderful. He's still gaining a good amount of weight (over 11lbs now) and his arrhythmia has been under control. Last week I was up all night with Michael as his monitor had been picking up strange rhythms. I sent in a total of 6 recordings so I was pretty sure I was going to be sent back. I had a lump in my throat as I started to dress myself just past midnight. I had just sent the sixth recording and was positive I was going to get a call back. Jaron came down and reassured me that I needed to wait for a call back before getting worked up and I agreed. Michael wasn't showing any weird outward signs of distress and his heart rate and breathing were good so we decided to go to bed. My phone on my pillow next to my head so I wouldn't miss "the call". The call never came and his EP specialist reassured me at this apt that it was just Michael's rhythm with his extra beats that were causing the monitor to go off. Nothing to be worried about. I can say that now. I wouldn't have said that when I was getting dressed that night, but it's not that night anymore, it's 3:30 in the morning and I'm waiting for Michael to finish his bottle so I can get up with him again at 6. I am so happy that I'm waiting for his bottle to be empty and not waiting for his feed to end. We are so blessed to have this little guy at home. Showing us that life is precious and to treasure each moment. Even the 3am moments.