Nightly Panic

We got moved to a room with a crib this evening. We are one step closer to going upstairs and getting out of the CICU.  It was kind of scary because they moved him while we were eating dinner. So when we got back to his room he was gone. A fleeting panic at first, but we knew he was around here somewhere.
Tonight was going really smooth in our new room, we were kicked back watching movies with him, and he did really well nursing. Then the nurse came in with a huge siringe of milk she was going to feed him through his tube. I instantly felt bad about it, like we shouldn't give him it... but what do I know... so I stayed quiet.
About 30 minutes later I told Bryt I think we should turn it off, cause he was getting really squirmy.  A couple minutes later he started gagging and trying to throw up. Bryt ran to get the nurse, who came running in and turned off the feeder.  He sat there gagging for a few more minutes and then she came back and put him on his side to help digest it. It was one of those scary moments where there is nothing you can do but watch. I instantly felt guilty and angry because I had a bad feeling about it the whole time and didn't say anything.  My nice chill night has been turned into a night of panic and checking to make sure he is still breathing every 5 minutes. I'm ready to go home, this constant worrying is geting old. I wish I could just relax, but then crap like this happens and no one would even notice if I weren't being paranoid. This is like the third time I just happened to be in the room and save him from some catastrophe. I'm sure all parents feel like this, it's just hard to have to sit here and watch everything. If I knew how to take care of him and give him whatever he need I would, but I don't know what he needs. I just have to sit here trusting every person that touches him knows what they are doing. I  know he is a little trooper, but he is only 8 days old and had heart surgery 4 days ago. Pay attention people!