Thursday, May 17, 2012

Smallishly Large

Michael is 8lbs 8ounces and only 6 weeks old as of yesterday. He fits in the nook of my arm and makes tiny little adorable sounds. His tummy can only hold two and a half ounces of milk and he snores like his daddy only quieter. His hair has a red tint to it and I compare it to the color of my brothers beard when he has one. His fingers are so extremely small but they have a tight, firm grip. He scrunches his nose when he smiles big which is usually when he's farting. The size of his heart is compared to a strawberry. He is my baby Michael.

Because of him I've found my faith. Because of him I've grown closer to my husband and daughter. Because of him I no longer take my own health for granted. Because of him I can listen to my daughters heart beat when she's sleeping and appreciate how steady it is. Because of him we've met so many wonderful people. Because of him I appreciate life and how absolutely wonderful it is.

Having Michael back in the hospital is trying. I miss him so much. Bringing him home was my chance to finally bond with my son. I miss holding him and cuddling him and waking up with him at all hours of the night. Seeing him today was wonderful. Zoey loves going to see her baby Michael and she holds him so carefully. She understands she needs to be soft with him because he's sick. Both of my children are so strong and help me gain strength when I watch them. It has been great to see them together.

Michaels rhythm was steady the majority of the day. He had a 15 minute episode with his arrhythmia but was able to pull out of it himself. They are thinking of moving him to the CPCU on the 9th floor tomorrow where he can continue to grow under careful watch. His arrhythmia is still making the doctors nervous and want to make absolutely sure that he won't be having these 15 minute episodes at home. We were assured that we'll be sent home with a heart monitor when we are able to get to that point but it won't be until after Monday. Our surgeon says if Michael needs surgery sooner than we want him to that he is pretty optimistic after actually seeing the valve he'd be working on. This makes it no less risky than we've been talking about before. There would still be a chance of the valve leaking too much fluid and Michael getting sick. He's been eating much more by mouth and having less fed through the tube. He's also showing signs of hunger in between feedings which is wonderful and he's gotten a few snacks. His nurses have assured me that when I'm not able to be there to cuddle him that they are more than happy to. I don't want him sitting in a hospital bed alone and I know these nurses now. I know their names and I know I trust them with his life.

I am surprised how incredibly strong we've been. I am proud of myself and Jaron and would like to give us a little pat on the back for good sportsmanship. I didn't know we were capable of so much. Emotionally and Mentally and even Physically. This wears on every aspect of our lives. I am being blessed with patience, understanding and humility. The blessings are endless. Every time I see Michael I feel I am witnessing one of Gods greatest Miracles. How can we not be thankful for this? I pray that Michaels heart will continue to be strong and that his arrhythmia will be controlled. I pray for him to grow so that I can hear him laugh and play. I pray for myself and Jaron to remain steady and calm. I pray for strength. God give us strength for our children.