Thursday, March 27, 2014


To be separated from your sick child and not be able to care for him/her is something I am all too familiar with. This is not the first time I've been sick while Michael is in the hospital but I am definitely hoping that it's the last. So much has happened these last couple weeks I'm going to try and keep it all in order.

We had Michaels follow up appointment last Monday. His Cardiologist was feeling positive that there are no changes since his last visit. Nothing is looking better but also nothing has gotten worse so we are happy with that news. He still had some edema in his lungs but it wasn't anything new that they were worried about and it didn't look like pneumonia to them.

Every month during the flu season we take him in for his RSV Synagis shot and every month we end up in the hospital from something he caught at the clinic while getting that shot. January 28th I decided not to take him in for the shot because I didn't want him to get sick again. Well it worked. We went through the whole month of February without any ER or Hospital visits. It was Fantastic!! We also got through most of March. After telling the Cardiologist about missing his shots and the progress we had he made me aware of how crucial it is that he has them and he was not very happy with me for missing them. Well.. He's not in the hospital with RSV but he is in the hospital.

Friday we took him in with Fever and cough. The Xray showed the same edema from Mondays apt so they still weren't concerned about pneumonia. We went home that night and by the next night his Fever spiked again. With Tylenol his fever spiked again and his heart rate was in the 190's which worried me. We took him in AGAIN ( I say that too much ) and they decided to admit him and got us in a room pretty quick. It's the first time we weren't in a Cardiac room and just in a general health unit. He'd been on oxygen since arriving and his fever came down after they gave him the correct dose of ibuprofen (turns out I didn't up his dose since he'd started growing). So that's why I couldn't keep his fever down. We slept the night Saturday night or Sunday night.. all my nights are getting all mixed up. I'm still not all the way better so I'm going to get a bit mixed up here and hopefully this doesn't come off by me rambling. Jaron took off Monday and Tuesday to stay with Mike but after I came home Monday night to be with Zoey and went to the doctor for myself. I didn't realize how bad I was feeling because I was so worried about Mike.

Tuesday morning I made my Dr apt and the Dr hooked me up to an IV right away and got some antibiotics in my system and also a pain killer to kick the migraine I'd picked up on top of the pneumonia that was about to kick me with full force. I've been in bed since with a killer cough. Some nights with uncontrollable chills that are followed by a high fever. I've been wearing this really cool Mickey Mouse face mask when I get up for meds or water and have been washing my hands so much that they've started to crack. Today I am feeling so much better but the stupid cough is still there. Emotions? Anger, sadness, guilt, totally pissed off! and then peace. Somehow it's all been followed by peace. Peace of mind. A calmness knowing that he's ok and that I'm ok. He knows I love him even though I can't be there to hold him after he gets deep suctioned for the twentieth time. Or that I can't be his pillow when his fever spikes and he has no energy to fight. Everything his mom was supposed to be there for has been replaced with the most wonderful people in the world. If he can't have his mom then he can have Jarons, and he can have mine. I can't say or express in anyway how grateful I am to have these two women in my life. They've given their time to us and have been there for Michael when I haven't been able to. I can't tell you how hard it is to have to take that step back and not be able to make that choice on my own. I can tell you that if I did have to make that choice on my own that I hope it would turn out the same way it did this week. As hard as it's been for us we've been so thoroughly taken care of by family and friends. Whether it be your time, your thoughts or your prayers... or your food, Thank you. Thank you so so much.