Uncontrollable Emotions

We had a pretty long night, his alarms were going off for the majority of the time. He seems to be doing ok when you look at him. He is a little pale and clammy. But he is wide awake and looking all around. His heart rate is jumping all over the place. He is not in the atrial flutter, but he can not shake this arrhythmia. The docs are all pretty worried about him. They think he has been having irregular rhythms for the last couple days and he just couldn't tolerate it anymore today.  The rhythm specialist wants to try putting him on a couple more arrhythmia medicines, but I think everyone is starting to look more at the mitral valve.  They want to get him on the meds to prove that it is his mitral valve.  The docs have told us multiple times operating on a valve this small is not ideal, but they may not have a choice in his case.

Bryt and I are both exhausted. I didn't sleep last night. I was up all night talking to the nurses and getting all my questions answered. I think it was the first night Bryt has gotten any sleep since we left here on tues. She has been going 24/7. I can't imagine how tired she is. She told me this morning the alarms were comforting and she was finally able to relax enough to sleep. 

If you read my last post, you could probably tell that I am not handling this well. I have been trying to get through this with a smile on my face, but I had a small breakdown last night. I think I hurt some feelings and maybe made people fell uncomfortable. I feel guilty for it, but I also recognize that I am a mess and don't know how to control my emotions during this. I am sure other people have been in similar situations and you can't help but get frustrated at times. I slept for a couple hours this morning, so I feel a bit better now. Thinking a little more clearly than I was last night. 

This is just hard, and when you are exhausted and stressed it doesn't make it any easier. I am very thankful for all of my wonderful friends and family. You have all made this so much easier. The women at our church have been bringing us dinners which has been amazing. It is nice to see people and visit with them for a little bit. I can't even begin to count all the things our family has done for us.  I feel much better this morning. Michael has not improved at all, but Bryt and I are doing a little better than we were last night.